Repulse the monkey.
Tony Perkis is a man of endless wisdom who has an insatiable hunger for winning, and he is just what America needs right now. The obesity rate in this country is skyrocketing and there is only so much that the Biggest Loser folks can do. With Tony at the helm, our nation’s inhabitants would be a bunch of “skinny winners”. Positive reinforcement? Get real. Tony would rather karate chop you in the nuts than give you false hope. Think about what would happen if we made this health freak the nation’s Surgeon General. I doubt you would remember what a Big Mac was. We’d have restaurants like “Long John Snow Peas” and “McTurkeyburgers”. “Would I like to supersize my side of green beans? You betcha!” The Perkisystem would be the standard health regimen of school children and adults alike. If nothing else, you get to use this on a daily basis:
Tony, however, is a bit of a wildcat and has been known to resort to rather unusual methods. Most notable are his attempts to swing like Dominique Moceanu from tree branches jutting out from 300 foot cliff ledges. He is truly fearless. Also in question are his tactics at controlling the members of the population who refuse to live by his rules.
So, this weekend, get out of your house, pack up your slideboard and head to your local park. Wow your friends with your best Apollo Anton Ohno impression while tightening those glutes and hammies. Otherwise, make the most of what should be an incredible weekend.